This blog post is all about online dating, how you can stay safe, how to work up the courage to go on your date and some strategies.
Online date is fun, I love dating apps. I don’t know if it’s because I get bored and when I’m in line in a grocery store or I’m just in bed watching TV, I am swiping. It is just happening all the time, I just love going through profiles, I find it so interesting. I got a new app yesterday called Raya, it’s a good one. I’ve used a lot of dating apps but the core ones that I’ve kept on my phone and haven’t deleted are Tinder, Bumble and now Raya. Tinder is kind of the basic one, everyone knows what Tinder is, you got a match, you got a match with each other so you need to say ‘yes’ in order to talk to each other. Bumble is kind of the same except the girls have to write the guys first so I think it’s a straight person app only because it’s based off women writing the men first and then Raya is similar to Tinder, you both have to match to each other in order to talk (this is going to sound so douchey) but it’s based on of your Instagram followers so it’s kind of like a really hard to get approved plus you have to pay for it. It’s an exclusive hook-up club 😂.
Except for I don’t really see dating apps as a hookup opportunity, I’m open to hook up but also to make friends and I’m also open to meet people that I want to date. At the end of the day, I would like to be in a relationship, but I don’t mind other stuff in between. I know exactly what I’m looking for and I would say seven times out of ten I either maintain talking to the person and be friends. I know what profiles to look for, for me personally, I know what not to look for. Some of the turn offs for me are when someone has a picture of themselves, not dating someone who is obsessed with their bodies.
There are multiple outcomes to online dating not just serious relationships or hook up which can happen but there is also that great area of ‘Ow, I just think I made a friend’. Honestly for a number of times I’ve been on dates from an app, I’ve actually only had like maybe two or three hookups. We meet at night and then something more happens, that’s only happened to me two or three times over the course of a lot of time. Normally you just kind of now right away or I do, I don’t know how everyone else is. I see someone who I think is cute and we usually talk for a little while on the app and the time it’s different for every person, some people are more forward and they feel uncomfortable talking on the app so they just say ‘ Hey do you want to get drink tomorrow night’. I prefer to actually talk for a little while online at least a few days to a week before because I can read them pretty well based off of those interactions. But not everyone is the same, not everyone is good at talking to people online so they feel self-conscious because they are like ‘I’m really bad at texting, can we just meet in person’.
It’s different for everyone, I’m the type of person who likes to be kind of in control, I want to initiate asking for a number or to hang out.
Just to clarify (on Tinder) swiping left means no, swiping right ‘Hell yeah’. I like to swipe right for someone that obviously is cute right away, I like to see that they have an interesting profile, that they really value conversation, intelligence. Things that I value, and if I can see that in their bio then probably I’m going to swipe right. I actually swipe left on people who I think that are out of my league or too attractive, there are so many people I swipe left to because I think they are too pretty for me. I know it’s weird but it just kind of shows random insecurities that I have, but I totally swipe left to people that I think are out of my league.
I want to feel that they are on the same social level as me so I only swipe right to people that I feel like would fit whether it’s in my friend group or me.
There is definitely a strategy (for me), got to keep it in my league. It’s very similar as seeing someone in a bar or at a party, you kind of know the people that you are not gonna click with by who they are hanging out with, maybe what they are wearing, how they carry themselves and people have a countenance online too. I pretty much know how someone is going to be like when I see their profile. Not everyone has that skill, for me, I can swipe very quickly and still now exactly what I’m getting. My friends always complain when they swipe with me, they are like ‘you swipe so fast’ but I’m also never wrong for what I get when I meet people in real life. They are always similar as I expect them to be.
Now… the attraction is what I can’t predict, there are people that I have been on dates with that I think ‘i’m definitely going to be attracted to this person, there is no way I won’t be. And then I get there and I’m like ‘nothing’, this person could be my sister, there is zero attraction there. And there are people I think I probably won’t like them that way but I’ll probably like them as a friend or like a good networking opportunity and then I’m just super attracted to them. That’s hit or miss, you don’t know if there is going to be an attraction or not and I’m the type of person that has to be right away or it’s never going to be there.
Meeting with people who you saw online should definitely happen in public place. I never go to someones house even if they seem safe, you just never know and honestly, I don’t go to someones house until I’ve hanged out several times because that just scares me and I want to be safe, you don’t know these people they just have a profile. Going to a bar is safe for me, I would say don’t drink too much. I’ve made that mistake before and nothing bad happened but you are nervous so you drink faster and more because you don’t know this person. For some people, this could put up yourself in risky situations. I say maybe bar or dinner or if you are nervous about that do coffee.
For me a successful date is being attracted to the person, has to be a good conversation. I don’t feel attracted to everyone or I do and then I get bored afterwards. At the end of the date I want to feel like I want to see them again (that sounds weird), there is a lot of times I’ve been on dates and they’ve gone well but not well enough. When the date is over I know right away if this is going to be something or not. When I know I feel the need to tell them because I think that’s fair. With online dating it can be really tricky because you’ve been talking on an app, it builds up all these tension and then you go on a date and if you are not feeling it you kind of owe it to the person to tell them, it’s scary to do in person so I normally do it in text and say ‘Hey. I had a really good time hanging out but I don’t really see something romantic but I’m totally down to be friends’ and if I’m not down to be friends I just say ‘I don’t really see anything here but I had a good time. Thanks for hanging out’ or something similar.